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Thread: The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

  1. #21

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    It's eat-lunch-with-dad day at my 1st grade daughter's school. I go and after we eat she's playing on the playgroung and I'm watching. Her teacher comes up (attractive) and says 'you're Alex's dad, right?, I'm Ms. Griffith"

    me - 'yep, Dave'.
    her - 'Alex is so funny'
    me - 'yeah, etc'

    her - 'what was it she said the other day- oh- she told us it was your birthday and we asked if you all were having a party that night and she said no, he has class.'

    me - 'oh, yeah, it was a Wednesday and I've got class that night, yep'

    her- 'yeah, she said you were going back to college'

    me- 'yep'

    her- (laughing) 'yeah, she told us that the first time you went you drank too much beer and had to go back now, when you're old'

    me - (little embarassed) 'uh, yeah, that's pretty much what happened'

  2. #22

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "dmw":1f73m0on
    It's eat-lunch-with-dad day at my 1st grade daughter's school. I go and after we eat she's playing on the playgroung and I'm watching. Her teacher comes up (attractive) and says 'you're Alex's dad, right?, I'm Ms. Griffith"

    me - 'yep, Dave'.
    her - 'Alex is so funny'
    me - 'yeah, etc'

    her - 'what was it she said the other day- oh- she told us it was your birthday and we asked if you all were having a party that night and she said no, he has class.'

    me - 'oh, yeah, it was a Wednesday and I've got class that night, yep'

    her- 'yeah, she said you were going back to college'

    me- 'yep'

    her- (laughing) 'yeah, she told us that the first time you went you drank too much beer and had to go back now, when you're old'

    me - (little embarassed) 'uh, yeah, that's pretty much what happened'
    THAT is priceless!!!

  3. #23

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    These are from a few months ago. Jack was 2, Samantha was 5.

    Setting: Samantha had a big temper tantrum before getting in the van for a trip on Sunday. Screaming, stomping.. the whole nine yards. A few minutes later she came back to the van where Jack was already buckled into his seat and waiting. He looked at his big sister and said:

    Jack: "So, did you get yourself together yet?"

    _________________________________________________

    Setting: I walked into Jack's bedroom this morning after my shower. I was only wearing boxer shorts:

    Jack: "What are you wearing, daddy?"
    Me: "What do you think I'm wearing?"
    Jack: (thinking...) "Just one panty?"
    __________________________________________________

    Jack: "I'm scared, mommy!"
    Mom: "What are you scared of?"
    Jack: "The ribbit frogs! Do they live in my heart?"
    Mom: "No, who lives in your heart?"
    Jack: "I don't know."
    Mom: "God?"
    Jack: "Yeah, that's it. God."
    Jack: "So who lives in my pants?"

  4. #24
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    This is from years ago, but we still laugh about it to this day.

    My little niece comes in from playing outside and says to her mom,
    "What does laid mean?"

    My sister-in-law goes into a panic, thinking that the older kids have been up to no good.
    "Where did you hear that word?"
    "Who said that to you?"

    My niece, taking a drink from her glass, responds,
    "Nobody."
    "I know what "Kool" means. I just don't know what "laid" means.

  5. #25

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "Mahler":1e38qi22
    This is from years ago, but we still laugh about it to this day.

    My little niece comes in from playing outside and says to her mom,
    "What does laid mean?"

    My sister-in-law goes into a panic, thinking that the older kids have been up to no good.
    "Where did you hear that word?"
    "Who said that to you?"

    My niece, taking a drink from her glass, responds,
    "Nobody."
    "I know what "Kool" means. I just don't know what "laid" means.
    HY-STER-I-CAL!

  6. #26

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Somebody should tell Mahler's sister-in-law that a word like "laid" is nothing compared to the bombs that Howie, Terry and Sharshell's kids drop!

  7. #27
    Bill2380
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My Protestant cousin and I grew up in a largely Catholic area in the '60s. We had been listening to the "Wizard of Oz" album when two nuns knocked at the door collecting for charity. My cousin answered and yelled, "Mom, there's two witches here for you."

    A friend of mine had his niece visiting from California. Saturday morning they were driving through the neighborhood and she asked, "what are all those men doing?" My buddy says, "they're cutting their grass." Her reply, "don't you have Mexicans here?"

  8. #28
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    It's not really the words that amaze me so much as that they use them in context.

    The eldest has become fond of "What the hell?!" when ever you screw with her.

    Me and the lil'lady where having some mommy\daddy in the morning time when we see a siloet in the doorway. "Lay real still and she'll go play". No...she climbed up on the bed and sat down on my wife's pillow. "Good Morning Daddy. Good Morning Mommy"

  9. #29
    Bill2380
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Here's one from my youth. When I was little my Mom belonged to a church lady group which my Dad jokingly called the "Unwed Mothers Club." I answered a phone call for my Mom with "No she's not here. She's at the Unwed Mothers Club meeting at the church." I'm pretty sure my Dad caught more Hell than me for that one.

  10. #30

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    From my mother, and I do somewhat remember this:

    I'd done something that only a 4-5 year old would do and think was funny as hell and not wrong. My dad threatened to spank me for it. My response: "Go ahead. But you better make damn sure I don't get back up."

  11. #31

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My Mom loves telling this story:

    I was 4 and in pre-k and came home from school all excited because we were getting a new girl at school. Her name was "annika- isn't that just SO pretty?!" and I went on and on about this girl. I finally told Mom that she was SO special that they even put her name on the bulletin board!!
    The next day I continued on about her, and how she would be coming in a few days and I couldn't wait. I apparently went on and on about the stupid bulletin board and how cool it was that she got to have her name on the board.
    The third day Mom accompanied me to school (our neighbors used to drive us all, and Mom would pick us up) to talk to the teacher about "Annika". She got to the hallway and couldn't stop laughing.
    The bulletin board read "HANUKKAH IS COMING!!"

    We had a sit down discussion that night about how (sadly) I wasn't getting a new girl at school, and what Hanukkah was and how I wasn't going to get that either. Every Decemeber my Mom tells that story. Apparently I was blonde even at 4.

  12. #32

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    I was sitting at the computer here in our kitchen when Hayley (age 3) comes in to get her water cup out of the 'fridge. It is the kind with the flip over thing that contains a straw. When they are new, they are hard for even me to do, and this was a new cup.

    So Hayley struggles with it for a few mintues and finally exasperated hands it to me and says, "Mommy can you open this frickin' cup?"

    I, shocked, say, "What?"

    She replies, "Mommy, can you PLEASE open this frickin' cup?" with a little uncertainty in her voice.

    I about died laughing.

  13. #33

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Funny stuff. Kind of makes me want to have a kid :tongue

  14. #34
    cappuccino
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    We were in New Orleans at a seafood restaurant along a canal where boats docked, etc. We sat outside and were watching the boats go by. My nephew was about 3. A big Yacht came by and there was a speedboat with a couple of women in bikinis on it too.

    One of us said, "wow, look at that yacht"
    Cameron, oblivious to the yacht, said "Wow, those are womenz"

    hehe

  15. #35
    Administrator Roland Denzel's Avatar
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "russ":dwqt7g38
    Funny stuff. Kind of makes me want to have a kid :tongue
    Allie (walking in from the living room): What time is it?
    Me: 4:25, why?
    Allie: iCarly is on at 5. It's a new one.
    Allie (heading toward her room): Oh, I spilled my soda.
    Me: Where?
    Allie (still heading toward her room): Next to the couch.
    Me: Are you going for a towel?
    Allie: Oh. Okay.

    haha

  16. #36

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    hahha that's classic, lost dog!

  17. #37
    chickdiver
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My sister was born when I was 9. I was enamored of my baby-sister... for about 3 days. For the time that I was enamored of her, every single cry brought me running- even in the middle of the night. Shortly after she came home she began to cry in the middle of the night (as little babies do). I guess we were all worn out by now, because Mom and Dad were a little slow to get her fromt he bassinet. I marched to their bedroom door and said "Somebody needs to do something about that screechin baby- I can't sleep!"

    Apparently it was sufficiently amusing that my parents didn't murder me immediately .

  18. #38

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Scene: The front porch of a small house on the eastside of Detroit, Michigan in 1969. A 6-year-old boy (me) sits dejectedly on the steps with his head in his hands. He is obviously upset. The boy has one younger brother and his mother is pregnant with the third child.

    Mom: What's the matter with you?

    Boy: I don't want a Chinese baby?

    Mom: What do you mean? We're not going to have a Chinese baby.

    Boy: Sure we are. I saw on the news that one out of every three children born in the world today is Chinese and I figure our number is up.

    (Note: This was not intended to be bigoted or insensitive in any way. I was a kid. I'm sure that I would have liked that Chinese baby a lot more than I liked my sister.)

  19. #39

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Not far off from ya there, Mike. For various reasons (location, socio-economics, parental paranoia, etc), I'd been brought up in an all-white environment, literally (school, sports, church, etc). I was maybe three or four years old, riding in the seat of a shopping cart pushed by my mother at a grocery store. As we got to the checkout line, apparently I turned, pointed, and screamed at the top of my lungs, "Mom! What's that?!" She looked up and saw that I was pointing at a rather large black woman in the next line. *sigh* Nothing like small-town rural America

  20. #40
    BeachHead
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    This thread is awesome. I've been giggling for the past 10 minutes, while my roommate tries to fall asleep. I'm sure he thinks I've lost it.

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