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Thread: The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

  1. #41

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    More from this week.

    Setting: Samantha (5yo) and I are at Chick-Fil-A, walking through the parking lot to go inside and eat. A teenager drives by, windows down, bass pumping.

    Samantha: Funny music! What's that called?
    Me: Rap.
    Samantha: RAT?!? That's silly!
    Me: No no, not "rat". Rap... with a "p" on the end.
    Samantha: Oh.

    60 seconds later we're standing in line to order food:

    Samantha: Look, daddy! Pictures of tacos!
    Me: Those aren't tacos. They're wraps.
    Samantha (strongly): No they're not! Rap is funny music, not tacos!
    Me: It's a homophone... nevermind. They're different words, sugar. This kind of wrap starts with a "W".
    Samantha (stares at daddy): ...

    I think she thinks I'm messing with her on purpose.

    And Jack got a new Lightning McQueen car today that has his tongue sticking out. Jack insists on calling him "Suck McQueen". He's been saying it all afternoon.

  2. #42

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My daughter was 2-3 and kept asking for what sounded like "nacamonis" whenever she was asked what she wanted to eat.

    My wife made macaroni and cheese, macaroni with butter, macaroni with alfredo sauce, and all of the above with various types of pasta. Bowties, shells, you name it.

    "No mom, that's not what I want. I SAID, nacomonis!"

    This went on for weeks, then one day I came home from work and my daughter met me at the door to excitedly tell me "Daddy, Mom FINALLY got it right!!!"

    Her mom had picked up a couple avocados and made some guacamole that afternoon.

    I still laugh when I think about that one. My wife not so much.

  3. #43
    Administrator Roland Denzel's Avatar
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Who doesn't love pie?

  4. #44

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    This thread is awesome! You all have some pretty hysterical stories to share!

  5. #45

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    I was about 4 years old and me parents and I were on our way to church. On the way, we went over a high-level bridge where a lot of people commit suicide. Someone had jumped the night before and my parents commented on it as we drove over the bridge. Of course, I'm listening to everything they say in the back seat.

    My response to the story of the bridge jumper? "Why didn't he just take a taxi?"

    Sadly, years later, my fiancee's brother did, indeed, jump to his death from that very bridge.

  6. #46

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Just remembered this one- My buddy from work brought his son in about 8-10 years ago just after Christmas. "Toy Story" was a big movie for kids then and this little guy was about 5. Anyway, a bunch of us were hanging around at the end of the workday and I asked him what he got for Christmas and he said "I got a Woody and a big Buzz".

    I said "Man, that's what I want every year."

  7. #47
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "missjane":1oe7qyrv
    Sadly, years later, my fiancee's brother did, indeed, jump to his death from that very bridge.
    I'm sorry to hear about that.

  8. #48

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Ethan, almost 4 years at the time, had been rude to his Grammy. She told him he had hurt her feelings. He replied, "My feelings are okay."
    HA! I'm totally stealing this one. :tongue

  9. #49

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Nilla Wafers according to Jack are "Vanilla Wipers".

    My dad has a small garden tractor that for as long as Jack's known has had a "flap" tire or a flat tire. Either one. Now that it's fixed he continues to ask about the flap tire.

  10. #50

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    When I was a kid (we've got this on video) my parents proudly announce to me that we were going down south (I think it was Kreate or somewhere like that) that summer. I immediately reply:
    "ohh, I want a dog"
    - dad "but we can buy a dog here"
    "No, I want a living dog"
    - dad "We've got living dogs here too, no need to get one down there"
    "NO! I WANT A LIVING DOG!!" and I start crying
    It went on like this for quite a while.

    To this day we still don't know what the hell I was talking about

  11. #51

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    another one I just remembered:

    We had bought our first canoe and we were ready to set it out on a small lake. I have no idea exactly how old I was, but I wasn't very old. Anyways, as we step into the boat I look at my dad with a very worried look and say "But dady.. what if it floats?!?!"

    Sink, float... I always got those two mixed up :tongue

  12. #52

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    We have a dog named Matthew ... don't ask ... long story. Matthew is a month younger than our son James (Aside: no, my wife has still not forgiven me for this). When James was about 2, he and my wife were in the checkout stand at the grocery store and James proceeds to tell the checkout lady that his little brother Matthew was sitting out in the car by himself. The checkout lady looked in horror at my wife who tried valiantly to explain that Matthew was in fact a dog. The checkout lady looked back at her with an expression on her face that can best be summed up as "yeah, right ... a dog named Matthew!" My wife was extremely pleased to get back in the car and make a quick exit before the child protection folks arrived!

  13. #53

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    At the Astros game last night with Samantha:

    Sam: So who's that player right there?
    Me: That's Hunger Pence.
    Sam: How long has he been your friend?
    Me: He's not my friend.
    Sam: You haven't met him before?
    Me: No.
    Sam: Then how do you know his name?
    Me: Because he's on TV.
    Sam: I don't think so. I've never seen him on TV.
    Me: We get the Astros games on TV on Sunday. Besides, the man is saying his name over the speakers. So if you listen you can learn the names.
    Sam: (Listening and starting to look around) I hear him... where is that guy?
    Me: (Laughing) I don't know where the speaker man sits.

  14. #54

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "Erika":34g3z3a4
    Not so funny but we had the same thing with Julian when he was probably 2. He kept asking for pie - I had no idea what he wanted, whether he meant food or a toy... Finally, I took him on a bike ride - that was pie.
    Our friends' little girl is two. Instead of the word "chips" she makes a "bbbbt" noise. "bbbbt" is chips.

  15. #55

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "RedLefty":2r17urrs
    At the Astros game last night with Samantha:

    Sam: So who's that player right there?
    Me: That's Hunger Pence.
    Sam: How long has he been your friend?
    Me: He's not my friend.
    Sam: You haven't met him before?
    Me: No.
    Sam: Then how do you know his name?
    Me: Because he's on TV.
    Sam: I don't think so. I've never seen him on TV.
    Me: We get the Astros games on TV on Sunday. Besides, the man is saying his name over the speakers. So if you listen you can learn the names.
    Sam: (Listening and starting to look around) I hear him... where is that guy?
    Me: (Laughing) I don't know where the speaker man sits.
    your kids are absolutely hilarious on a pretty consistent basis... apple doesn't fall too far from the tree in your family, huh?

  16. #56
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    I remember one. When my daughter was about 4 we were on our way to the dr for a checkup and her shots and she asked me "How soon do I turn into a rooster?"
    Thinking what the heck I say "what was that you said?''
    Sure enough she wanted to know when she was going to turn into a rooster.
    So I asked her why she thought she was going to turn into a rooster.
    "Because Tommy on Rug Rats said you turn into a rooster after you get your rooster shots".
    It took me a quite a while to convince her that she wouldn't be changing into a rooster. Our doctor got a big kick out of that one.

    Diana

  17. #57
    ark
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    I taught healthy sexuality to 7th graders.... a male student was having trouble with a question on the worksheet.

    student: can you help me with this answer?
    me: "when a sperm and egg unite, what is this called?"
    student: "success?"



    I also taught a computer class. We had a lot of problems with students playing around w/ other students' discs (this was years ago).... I announced to a 6th grade class "Do NOT touch anyone's di*ks" I about DIED!! I felt sooo terrible!

  18. #58
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    This is a great thread. I remember one more from about 12 or 13 years ago. Rachel was still preschool age and we were watching TV one night and Jurassic Park was going to be coming on. We decided to turn it off because we thought it would be too scary for her. She said oh no she likes that movie she's seen it at the babysitters and she's not scared at all. (Her babysitter that summer was a teenager from a large family with lots of boys.) We asked her a few questions and sure enough it sounds like she'd already seen it so we kept it on but was prepared to turn it off when she got scared. She sure surprised us not only was she not scared throughout the movie she kept making these smart alec little comments now and then. One of the funniest was during the most suspenseful part of the scene with the velociraptors chasing the kids in the kitchen she kept saying "there's my lunch, there's my lunch, there's my lunch".

    Diana

  19. #59
    ark
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Just this past weekeknd, my 4 year old walked in my room here is how the conversation went:

    4 year old: Mom, what's that thing we always listen to ?

    Me: Hannah Montanna?


    4yr old: no mom.. that man you say you love so much.

    me: oh, Dave Ramsey?

    4yr old: yeah, doug gramsey... I want him on my ipod.

    me: okay, honey I'll download a podcast tomorrow, no go back to bed.

    So this was Friday night.... I thought she would forget about it Saturday... Well she didn't. She came in saturday and asked me to download "doug gramsey" again. So I did... didn't think she'd actually listen to it. Well for 2 nights she has gone to bed listening to Dave Ramsey!!!

    BTW.... I did not purchase an ipod for my daughter. She has my old one.

  20. #60

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Great ones, gang! This was today at lunch:

    Jack (3yo): I'm very sad.
    RedWifey: Why, son?
    Jack: Because I'll never go to the aquarium again.
    RedWifey: Sure we will! But not today.
    Me: No, it's closed today. Even the zoo is closed.
    Samantha (5yo): Why is the zoo closed?!?!
    Me: Because of the storm.
    Samantha: Oh yeah... the storm. What happened to the animals?
    Me: They're fine. They'll just stay in their cages.
    Samantha: What about the outside ones? Oh yeah, they'll just go to their inside places. The elephants have a place that looks like jail, so they'll go there.

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