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Thread: The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

  1. #1

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    A few people have asked me to start this one, so here it goes. Let's share what we've heard our kids, our nephews/nieces or other kids say.

    But you have to have actually heard it. None of that "my cousin's brother's friend said his girlfriend heard a kid say..." stuff.

    Here are two from Samantha, my 5yo:

    Church minister: So you see kids, David didn't need swords, shields, spears or armor to defeat Goliath! All he needed was God!
    Samantha: And a slingshot.
    Me (quietly to Samantha): Good point.

    Me, playing with my son Jack: I'm gonna bonk your head! (I bonk it) I'm gonna bonk your nose! (I do) I'm gonna bonk your shoulder! (done)
    Samantha: Bonk his penis!
    Me: What?!?
    Samantha, quieter, sheepishly: Bonk his penis?
    Me: I don't think so.

  2. #2
    Blackjack
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    I don't recall the exact wording, but there's an older guy that lives across the street, he's kind of heavy (if I may say such a thing without offending anyone) but he's got pretty skinny legs. Our son called him humpty-dumpty once. That was pretty funny.

    Our son is at that age where he constantly asks questions, very inquizitive. I was notching out the hinge mountings on some new doors for our house and I screwed one up. I was quite upset because it's been one thing after anothe rwith these doors. So I need to go back to the home center to buy new ones. Here's how that trip went:

    Ben: Why are we going to Home Depot?
    Me: To buy another door for the bathroom.
    Ben: What's wrong with the door you have?
    Me: I screwed it up...
    Ben: How?
    Me: I measured wrong.
    Ben: Why did you measure wrong?
    etc...etc.

    This went on for the entire trip to Home Depot. Needless to say, by the time we got there I was feeling even more dumb than before. But at that point, I just had to laugh.

  3. #3

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    We were campng and our friend's son, 4, came up and said ""can I put this stick in the fire."" I said yes. He looked horrified and said, ""I don't want to, it is my stick!""

  4. #4

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    (shamelessly cut & pasted from Red's blog)

    Background: Show-n-tell day at pre-school and Arden (5 y.o.) took her pink notepad she calls her diary. I'm washing her hair in the tub that night...

    Me: So what did you take to show-n-tell today
    Arden: My diary. It's another name for poop.
    Me: No it's not!
    Arden: Yah-ha. It's when you poop and tinkle at the same time.
    Me: That's diarrhea, sweetie. Diarrhea.
    Arden: Oh.

  5. #5
    Senior Member LisaS's Avatar
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    It's been a few years (he's in college now) but as I remember it:
    I was walking through a small carnival with my nephew Leif who was 3 or 4. We're talking about the rides, the ferris wheel and so on. We see one where the kids ride a fish and as it goes around it also goes up and down.

    me: Look Leif, the fish are swimming.
    Leif: They're not swimming.
    me: Don't they look like they're swimming?
    Leif [sounding exasperated as only a 4 year-old can]:Tanta Lisa, they're breaching

  6. #6
    Blackjack
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    One of the things I've taught my 3yo to say is "Cubs Stink" partly because we don't like the Cubs, partly because his grandparents do like the Cubs. But he said "Cubs Stink" the other day then "Cubs have poopy pants!"

  7. #7

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    While standing in line at a checkout, a small child, about 6 years old, ask his mom "Mommy, when I get older will my penis get big like daddy's?"

    His mother replied...and I swear to God this is true....
    "If you're lucky son, it'll get bigger."


    I dropped my carton of eggs on that one! Seriously!

  8. #8

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My son, at 18 months, loved to be a helper. Opening the refrigerator was a big task and one he took on with enthusiasm. So, having him get another beer and deliver it was a great fit for him and my husband. Apparently though, beer was the only thing we ever bought in cans, because on a visit to the grandparents he discovered their Sam's purchase of 3 cases of diet Coke in cans. He's so excited he can hardly stand it as he shouts:

    "LOTS BEERS!"


    Um, yeah, we stopped even talking about beer after that one! HA!

  9. #9
    Administrator Roland Denzel's Avatar
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Me: Grilled cheese sandwich?
    Tony: Daddy, why don't we eat boy cheese?
    Me: What?
    Tony: You only make girl cheese sandwiches.
    Me: STFU and eat what I make you!

  10. #10
    Blackjack
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Lost Dog = Father of the Year!


  11. #11

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My oldest son Jake was 3-years-old and in the car seat as his Grandmother attempted to pull the minivan down the driveway.

    Sound of car scrapping alongside of brick. Screeeeech.
    Jake: Shit!
    Grandmother: Arrgh, I think I hit the house.
    Jake: God damn it!
    Grandmother: Yep, I hit the house.
    Jake: Son of a bitch!

  12. #12

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Well mine is only 10 months old, so besides mama and dada, and some other giberish, he really isnt saying much yet.

    Anyways, I posted pics of him in the childrens photo thread, if anyone is interested.

  13. #13
    Cutlass
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Grandpa comes for a visit with his new wife. first time we've met her. Both have weight issues.

    Girl Child of Cutlass (age 4)- "Wow... you're alot bigger than our last grandma!"

  14. #14

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    A little boy was in our office with his parents and I was chatting to him, he seemed pretty clever and well spoken so I asked

    ME: How old are you??
    Boy: I'm 3 (shows me 3 fingers)
    ME: When will you be 4
    (He looked at me like I was the dumbest person alive)
    Boy: After 3

  15. #15

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Take your kid to work day. I am sitting outside at lunch and 2 of my co-workers kids (5 years old?) were running around everywhere and jumping around like crazy.

    Me: Wow, you girls are full of energy. Can I have some?
    Little Girl: We don't share energy with old people.

    Grrrrr.......that was several years ago and I usually try to remember to take a vacation day on 'take your kid to work' day.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Quote Originally Posted by "missjane":16r551k5
    Me: Wow, you girls are full of energy. Can I have some?
    Little Girl: We don't share energy with old people.
    You should have hit them with your walker. :tongue

  17. #17

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My son Chris was about 3 and getting a stern talking to from his mother. He turned to her, put his hand up over his head and said "You know I've had it up to here with this" (a line she used on him frequently).

    I got into as much trouble as he did.

  18. #18

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    LOVE this thread!!!!!!

    I have two boys: Josiah is 4, Nicholas is now 3. Josiah is playing while I'm changing Nicholas' diaper and Nicholas is squirming, being a general pain in the neck and not cooperating AT.ALL.

    I growl and say "Nicholas, you're driving me fucking crazy."

    Nicholas laughs and says to his brother, "Josiah? Mommy said 'fussy crazy'." More giggles.

    Josiah isn't laughing and with a stoic face and tone of voice said, "No, Nicholas... Mommy said FUCKING crazy."

  19. #19

    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    My wife was out in the kitchen and heard our daughter, Abby (about 4 at the time), out in the family room saying "Shit, shit, shit."
    My wife comes out and says "Abby!"
    Abby looks up at her and says in a matter-of-fact tone "Well, I dropped the damn (toy) truck on my foot."

  20. #20
    Blackjack
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    The official "our kids say the darndest things" thread

    Oh man, they hear everything don't they?

    Too funny, keep 'em coming.

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