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  1. #1

    Frustration/aka rant

    I know there is not a lot of ranting and raving here, but I have a big gripe.

    I am a lifetime Weight Watchers member, been maintaining since November. I like the common sense and flexibility of the program it works for me.
    I am down 65 pounds from my highest weight ever. Along with that, I started the NROL4W in December, as a new personal challenge, and then joined the 3 month challenge here.

    It's been a very good journey. And I am very happy with my self, my accomplishments, my eating and my body.

    The problem is, now that it is spring and we are getting out of our sweatshirts and coats and coveralls, I have people telling me, I'm "to skinny", "I look GAUNT and PEAKED"

    I'm 5'5" and running between 137 and 140, I'm hardly GAUNT! My weight is where is should be! As far as PEAKED/Pale, I live in western Nebraska, we're coming off of winter, we're all pale and peaked.

    I guess, I just wonder, have we gotten so fat, we don't know what healthy is, or all of these people jealous? Mostly, I think they don't get what healthy really is.

    They give me crap for being to skinny, and then ask me how I did it! Of course when I tell them, sensible eating and working out, OMG! YOU DO THAT!

    On another note, I was reading some studies on portions and food choices and such, and obesity in America the other night, and it occurred to me that they did not mention the invention of POLYESTER fabric.

    Dating myself here, but, when I was a kid and still doing sewing projects for 4-H, it was cotton, not the stretchy kind, then, about the time I got into high school, POLYESTER, hit the market. Woo Hoo! You could buy your current size and it would stretch with weight gain for another 3 or 4 sizes. And God knows, polyester never wears out.

    Fast forward, from the early 70's to now. Now we have fleece jammie bottoms, sweat pants, sloppy t-shirts, pajama jeans Does anybody bother to get dressed before they leave the house?

    Where I work, I seriously, see people come in for an 11:30 appointment for their pet, and they come in their jammies, shirt to short, don't want to let us handle the pet, put it on the scale, shirt is to short, love handles, and low rider britches, and now we get the *VIEW*! from the back! I really need to invest in a super soaker squirt gun!

    Ok, rant over! Thanks for listening, and giving me a place to vent my frustration!
    http://www.jpfitness.com/showthread.php?p=931397#post931397
    If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes!
    Strong is the new sexy!

  2. #2

    Frustration/aka rant

    I understand what you are saying. I'm a tall slim woman and people feel like they can comment on your body when you are that way. How would these people feel if we started looking at them at saying "Why are you eating all that crap when you are so heavy".

    I , personally, don't avoid any food, I eat healthy most the time with an occasional chocolate binge.

  3. #3

    Frustration/aka rant

    Thanks for listening, I'm just frustrated that folks have the nerve to say some of the things they say. I would not look at them and say, "wow, you need to get your fat a** of the couch."
    http://www.jpfitness.com/showthread.php?p=931397#post931397
    If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes!
    Strong is the new sexy!

  4. #4

    Frustration/aka rant

    A lot of people judge in a relative sense. If you're lighter than most people around you, people accept that as light. Being the skinniest fat person in the room, still means you're fat, but if you said out loud you're trying to lose weight you'd probably get a response along the lines of 'you don't need to lose weight, you're smaller than all of us!' (not by any means saying that's you, just a general comment on how society seems to function).

    All that said, it probably shouldn't be something you let get to you. If you're happy and confident with where you are, then comments like that should just be water off a ducks back.
    Ben

  5. #5

    Frustration/aka rant

    You nailed it - jealousy. I actually lost a few friends when I first started losing weight (I lost 50# almost 15 years ago). My friends who always had fast-food and candy with me felt threatened by my weight-loss. It challenged all their "I can't do it" excuses when one of us broke from the pack and did lose weight. When I was down a mere 10# (so I was still above 30 BMI, around a size 14 at 5'2") I was told "you've lost enough, you're getting too skinny."

    You do sound like you're at a nice comfortable maintenance weight, and you're strong and healthy. Our views are definitely skewed to a new "normal" that is really overweight in many parts of America. If we see it enough, we accept is as the norm, when it isn't and shouldn't be.

    Do what's right for you, and don't let people who are threatened by your weight (because it makes them have to question all their excuses for why they "can't" lose) make you question yourself
    Bytsi

    My Workout Log

    "Honoring personal preference is one of the most powerful yet underrated tactics for achieving optimal health and body composition." -- Alan Aragon

  6. #6

    Frustration/aka rant

    Quote Originally Posted by "BjsAust":1aotdy7y
    A lot of people judge in a relative sense. If you're lighter than most people around you, people accept that as light. Being the skinniest fat person in the room, still means you're fat, but if you said out loud you're trying to lose weight you'd probably get a response along the lines of 'you don't need to lose weight, you're smaller than all of us!' (not by any means saying that's you, just a general comment on how society seems to function).

    All that said, it probably shouldn't be something you let get to you. If you're happy and confident with where you are, then comments like that should just be water off a ducks back.
    That post really hit home, I border on the skinny fat side. One time I did diet to lean down and get some definition but I never told anyone I was dieting because I didn't want to explain the difference between want to lose fat vs just losing weight. My weight has never been a problem but I am small boned and don't carry a lot of muscle so it doesn't take much to get the skinny flabby look if I don't stay consitent with my lifting and getting enough protien in my diet.

  7. #7
    Administrator Roland Denzel's Avatar
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    Frustration/aka rant

    Maybe it's a woman thing.

    I lost 75lbs, and there was no jealousy and I didn't lose any friends. I did have some people tell me I looked too skinny, but that's complicated; they saw me go from fat to "skinny," and people aren't used to that. Most of the people who said "don't get too skinny" were joking. One client, who only saw me every month, asked if I had cancer or something.

    People aren't used to this. A couple years ago, one of my clients told me they'd never seen someone "finish a diet."

    On the other hand, no new friends or clients EVER suggested I was too skinny, even when they heard I had lost weight and was continuing to do it. They saw no difference because they had no comparison (fat me).

    I won't say that there can't be jealousy OR guilt that they need to improve themselves, but don't have it in them.

    Roland Denzel @
    EatWellMoveWell.com

    Author of Man on Top and The Real Food Reset

    Stop by my training log The Madness of Roland


  8. #8

    Frustration/aka rant

    Quote Originally Posted by "BjsAust":30hspkxa
    A lot of people judge in a relative sense. If you're lighter than most people around you, people accept that as light. Being the skinniest fat person in the room, still means you're fat, but if you said out loud you're trying to lose weight you'd probably get a response along the lines of 'you don't need to lose weight, you're smaller than all of us!' (not by any means saying that's you, just a general comment on how society seems to function).
    I think it's also relative to your previous weight. Folks are used to seeing janell at 200, and since she has lost 1/3 of her weight, she probably looks to them even smaller than if she had stayed at her current weight for awhile, because they still have that mental image of the original weight.

    I know I've heard similar, and I'm no where close to a "healthy" 15%. However, since I've lost 1/3 of my weight over the last year and a half, I guess my face is no longer round. I just don't worry about it.

  9. #9

    Frustration/aka rant

    I have the same thing happen to me - even my mother tells me I'm "getting too skinny!" But I know I'm healthy and fit and I'm happy with the accomplishments I've made. I guess after losing 60+ pounds Mom thinks I need to eat a sammich! :tongue
    .· ´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·' Tracey

  10. #10

    Frustration/aka rant

    I guess I'm lucky because I never had anyone say anything other than positive comments to me. The only exception I can think of is one person who has never said ANYTHING...it was the total lack of acknowledgement that was strange.
    Jane

    "Knowing that you would have wanted it this way, I do believe I'm feelin' stronger every day" Chicago

  11. #11

    Frustration/aka rant

    Imhad lunch with a friend the other day. She kept mentioning her weight lifting (with light dumb bells) to her exercise tape. I mentioned that I've been training for a foray into a PL meet (just to reiterate, for fun, and only cause its in my town, though I do feel guilty if I take the place of someone who is better suited than me because there is a entry cutoff)... Anyways, despite telling me every time she sees me to have lunch (once every few weeks) that I look like I lost weight again, though my scale does not budge.....she was like, ew, aren't you worried about what all that weight lifting will do to your appearance, how does that fit in with weight loss, etc. Basically that I need to be a hamster on the treadmill or elliptical to lose weight. Even though she comments every time how much thinner I look.

    People are just idiots sometimes. That's why I prefer the company of my dogs!

  12. #12

    Frustration/aka rant

    Jane, I hate lack of acknowledgement too. My sister and her husband, whom I opt not to see unless I must, so very infrequently, will look me up and down, and not say a word. They know how hard I have to work to lose any weight, how easy I gain, etc..I honestly, even though am onky 20 lbs less on scale, look so different, like a different person. I hate when people can't just say a little something. And no they are not jealous, just a holes.

  13. #13

    Frustration/aka rant

    Quote Originally Posted by "Lost Dog":1a6rzx7q
    One client, who only saw me every month, asked if I had cancer or something.
    I got that exact same thing from several people! I suppose it didn't help that around the same time, I came to the conclusion it was futile to attempt to make what was left of my hair appear "normal" so I just buzzed it.

    I suspect that may be related to the non-response mentioned. I think some people are unsure of how to bring it up, just in case it's bad news. They're probably imagining if they say "you look fantastic" the reply will be "Yeah, chemo will do that to you."

    Also, some people feel (probably a cultural or family thing) that it's impolite to mention physical appearance, to avoid making someone feel self-conscious.
    "It is noble to be good; it is still nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble." -- Mark Twain

  14. #14

    Frustration/aka rant

    Quote Originally Posted by "RacerBill":21zxfwh1
    I got that exact same thing from several people! I suppose it didn't help that around the same time, I came to the conclusion it was futile to attempt to make what was left of my hair appear "normal" so I just buzzed it.

    I suspect that may be related to the non-response mentioned. I think some people are unsure of how to bring it up, just in case it's bad news. They're probably imagining if they say "you look fantastic" the reply will be "Yeah, chemo will do that to you."

    Also, some people feel (probably a cultural or family thing) that it's impolite to mention physical appearance, to avoid making someone feel self-conscious.
    Yeah, I didn't mention that before, but my DH got a lot of "are you sick" kind of comments - he's 5'6" and in the 150's, so hardly starving - one nurse where he works made it her mission to bring him fattening homemade lunches EVERY SINGLE DAY because he obviously wasn't eating enough
    Bytsi

    My Workout Log

    "Honoring personal preference is one of the most powerful yet underrated tactics for achieving optimal health and body composition." -- Alan Aragon

  15. #15

    Frustration/aka rant

    Going a little off-topic, I've noticed it can really throw people off when you say "no" to their offerings of food. Last week, one of my co-workers was passing around chocolates, and I turned them down because I wasn't hungry. She asked me five times before she dropped the matter. And I've actually ticked people off at social gatherings because I declined a dish, or additional helpings. It disrupts the flow of things, I'm sure, but oh well!

    Quote Originally Posted by "Bernernewf":2v6ds70y
    People are just idiots sometimes. That's why I prefer the company of my dogs!
    Amen to that.
    All whiners will be buried in shallow and unmarked graves. - Bad Ben

    My occasional workouts are posted here

  16. #16
    FLBombshell
    Guest

    Frustration/aka rant

    I like to joke that I lost 280lbs in about 2 months when I first started out... a 280lb fiancee that is

    Yup, the guy was very threatened by my decision and resolve to get healthy despite the fact that I had a health scare resulting in a cardiac proceedure.

    He decided, despite my assurances, that I would "get hot and find a better looking man". What is this "get hot" nonsense?? I am hot :tongue

    All kidding aside it was very distressing and shocking to learn that he would prefer me miserable and unhealthy just to keep his own ego in check. Sad really.

  17. #17
    ericw
    Guest

    Frustration/aka rant

    I got it too. It was mostly from my family and I know the issue was concern rather than jealousy....like others have said, it was relative. I was heavier, fleshed out in the face, etc......then I wasn't. It was the slimming of the face that seemed to grab people's attention. I had full face and went to more chiseled features with my fat loss and the comparison was drastic for some. I know that I did it right, that I was at a very healthy weight (truthfully, though i would never tell THEM...I actually was still above the "ideal" weight for my body type) - Don't worry about it....everyone gets used to it and it becomes "normal" - Until then, keep doing what you know to be right for you and smile at the ignorance of others.

  18. #18

    Frustration/aka rant

    Glad to know some of you have experienced the same thing. Most of the time it wouldn't bother me, but I got a bunch of comments over the space of several days, and one client was very vocal about it in my workplace.

    Ironically, after they make the "to skinny" comments, they want to know how I did it. Like I have a magic bullet. They're very disappointed when I tell them Weight Watchers and I lift weights 3 times a week.

    I decided I'm going to tell the whiners, my Blood work is good, (it is), and my Dr. is pleased and approves of my current weight and workout schedule.

    On the turning down food thing, Mom, Grandma's and MIL are the worst. At family gatherings, I've been known to take whatever food, wander around with the paper plate, and then toss it when no one is looking.
    http://www.jpfitness.com/showthread.php?p=931397#post931397
    If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes!
    Strong is the new sexy!

  19. #19

    Frustration/aka rant

    Hmmm I just faced a similar situation here in the office. There are 4 people here at work who are on Medifast and have dropped a tremendous amount of weight it seems like overnight. To tell you the truth, I ran into one of the guys on the elevator and I didn't say it but I truly thought that he was sick until he told me that he was on Medifast. I just asked him if he was trying to lose weight. Don't know if it is because he is on Medifast but I thought he was sick or something because it seems like the weight dropped off of him so fast. He had a guant look about him sorry to say or maybe it is because I have not seen him in a while, but he did not look healthy, but I would never tell him that.

  20. #20
    lets4410
    Guest

    Frustration/aka rant

    "They give me crap for being to skinny, and then ask me how I did it! Of course when I tell them, sensible eating and working out, OMG! YOU DO THAT!"

    If your disappointing people who think like that your on the right track

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